I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize