Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
