It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
