I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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