You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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