A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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