just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
