So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
