My Higher Power is John Stamos
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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