I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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