I just made out with a guy for $7.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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