Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
