Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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