it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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