Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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