The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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