i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
