So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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