4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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