you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
