Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
