we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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