this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Redeem this text for a blowjob
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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