Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
