I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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