This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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