This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
