Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
