Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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