I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
