I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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