also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
