at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
