Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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