I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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