It's Friday. Sex?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
