Do you still have your period?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
