Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i think my mom watched the whole time
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
