Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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