think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
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