garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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