i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
