The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
