She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
