As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
