When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
