i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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