honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
