Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
