There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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