we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
