So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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