so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
