Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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