guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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