Operation Purity has been aborted
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
