my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
