i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
