used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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