Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
