ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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