i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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