____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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