my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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