We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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