Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
