he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
