My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
