I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
