get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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