I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
