well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
In America we eat man semen.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
