ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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