every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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