she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
