So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
