I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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