just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
