She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
