If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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